楼上的兄弟辛苦了。不过恕我直言翻译的是在不太通。我觉得这不单是翻译的问题，也有些思维方式不同，所以不能照猫画虎的翻。我刚从海外回来不久，闲着无事给楼主捋一遍把：

Dear sir,

It has been 9 months since I first joined the company in May 2009. Starting from layout editing, all the way up to various design tasks, my work has been well received by my sumpervisor and general manager. I also deeply appreciated the instructive directions I was given. Nonetheless, as of now my workload has increased significantly, I have been devoting much more personal time into work, finishing late into the night and during peak season, I have been working for 15 days without taking any day off.

Meanwhile, I felt my current pay status is not a fair reflection of my capability. Hence I am asking for a pay rise, for the following reason:

1. I have met all the design requirements for every single issue, have liased with the printing firm regarding relavent issues, and have dealt with issues with printng technique and prices.

2. I have undertaken more design work than other designers.

3. My increased workload and more experience, is not fairly reflected in my current salary.

4. With increasing living cost, an pay rise would ease my concern about non-work related issue and helps me to focus on current work.

To better serve the company and to really help me take more resposibility for the company, I hereby ask for a pay rise between 500-600 per month.

Thank you for your kind consideration!

Yours sincerely,

XXX